I see your eyes in the moon

I was walking through the crowded hallways of my school the other day when I heard someone
say something that really made me think.

"This girl I used to be friends with ...."

A normal start of a sentence correct? Well this moment it struck me differently. It made me think about all the friends I used to have and how quickly I have moved on from them. There are plenty of people I know that I used to be friends with that I never speak of anymore. How do we let people just drop out of our lives without even giving a second glance?

We, as human beings have so many emotions but I don't think we realize how quickly we can filter through people. I think about all the people I have known in my life and I wonder where they have all gone. Not to say that I don't have any friends now, because I have many, but why is it that within three years or so they will probably be replaced with new friends. All the memories that I shared will be replaced with new ones and the old one will barely be a blur.

As I sat outside tonight, starring at the moon I wondered who else was starring at that same moon with me. Was it someone I had known in the past?

While in a long-distance relationship not too long ago I told my girlfriend to look at the moon while on the phone. She went outside and did just that. I told her it made me feel closer to her that though we were 2000 miles away from each other we were looking at the same object at the same time. She agreed completely and felt more in love with me than she ever thought possible. It was at that moment that I realized how many people there were in this world and how I would filter through what would and is probably going to feel like a million of them.

A month later she broke up with me and told me that the moon would never be the same to her. The funny thing is I don't talk to her anymore. It makes me wonder if she still thinks of me when she looks at the moon. Are the people that I filtered through ever going to come back into my life? Why is it that when some people can just let go of others completely there is always the other one who is holding on dearly to the thought of them?

I try to be cold..

Yeah I thought this was it

True love had arrived

So I fell in

But what a surprise

And I bought you a ring

And I asked you to wear it

So when I found it on the bathroom sink

I shoulda known I was in for it

How do I release this?

And how do I let you go?

How do I mend my heart when I feel so low?

And how do I talk to you without crying?

And how do I let you go when I still love you?

I still love you

So I don't know if I can be just your friend

Damn you for not trying

And fuck you for standing there smiling

I know what it's like to not be able to feel

And I know what it's like, yeah

To just kiss someone and make them fall in love with you

And then you walk away

To just make somebody come a little closer

So you can push them away...

How do I release this?

And how do I let you go?

How do I mend my heart when I feel so low?

And how do I talk to you without crying?

And how do I let you go when I still love you?

I still love you...

I gave up long before

It must be something in the way you move

innocent like you gave in just like you always would

It must be something in the way they say

and the magic that you bring inbetween all you imply

this is me before I come undone

this is me before I fall apart

I've been tired for days and days

I've been tired for days and days

It could have been a month or

It could have been a year but I

I gave up long before

long before you cared

her art inspired me to

to do my best and to paint my music like

like I saw it best and

she says I grew up well

well, well I grew up strong cause

no one's got my back

no one's gonna write me my songs

It could have been a month or

It could have been a year but I

I gave up long before

cause I've been tired for days and days

I've been tired for days and days and days

I've been tired for days and days and days

I've been tired for days and days and days

I've been tired for days and days and days

My heart is crazy

Little by little by little by little by little
Little by little by little by little by little
Youre messing up my life
Tearing me apart
Breaking up my world
And Im giving up my heart
Little by little by little by little
Im losing all my prideIts really getting bad
Hurting deep inside
Is a-making me go mad, ooh
Little by little by little by little
Little by littleBit by bit
Im going crazy and youre causing it
Little by littleBit by bit
I should stop caring
But my love wont quit
Little by little by little by little by little, yeah
Little by little by little by little by little, all right
I dont know where to turn
Dont know what to doIm walking on thin ice
And it seems Im falling through, ooh
Little by little by little by little
Little by littleBit by bit
Im going crazy and youre causing it
Little by little
Bit by bitI should stop caring
But my love wont quit
Im the queen of fools
Know the deck is stacked
On a losing streak
But Im a-gonna get you back
Little by little by little by little

Ready for me

I want to go back to the nights

Where nothing seemed to matter

And everything just felt okay.

I need to be around people

I can't be alone because I think.

I think way too much ....

And I hate thinking.

And I do enjoy Skillet a lot

I haven't listened to anything else lately.

Oh and btw. I'm over it

Slash it's the fact that I'm done trying to figure it out

I spent much too long trying to figure out ..umm nothing.

Hey ..I'm bored also.

I want to find some good lyrics to put in here

Oh and ps ..I still don't know where I want to go for college!

I'm really debating MMC and CCNY.

It's pretty much the hardest decision of my life.

Ugh. I will see what happens later I guess.

Oh and more exciting news!

On March 25th I'm going to see Ingrid Michaelson and Joshua Radin

On April 22nd I'm seeing Sarah Bareilles and Rachel Yamagata

And on May 12th I'm seeing Tegan and Sara =)

Yay life.



"There's a war inside of me

Do I cause new heartbreak to write a new broken song

Do I push it down or let it run me right into the ground

I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me

Well I can't stop talking for fear of listening to unwelcome sound

And you haven't called me in weeks and honestly it's bringing me down

I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me

I feel like you wouldn't like me if you met me

And don't you worry there's still time

There's nothing to live for when I'm sleeping alone

And I wash the windows outside in hopes that the glare will bring you around

Sunshine is days away I won't be saved I know all the words

I can't say that I'll love you forever

I won't say that I'll love you forever"

Darkness comes I'll be beside you

"you are the buried penny at the bottom of the pool

so I guess that makes me the fool diving deep for you

I’ll stick you in my pocketall shiny, all precious, and all not mine

a hidden, forbidden treasure

baby, you’re the worst kind.

cause underneath the surface, all things loom larger

so I’m searching for your edges

to fish you up, ship you up out of the water

and you are that sweet wish that she’s thrown

I would have caught you in the air, girl, had I known."

"The paper called me a warrior.a bad girl. a bad example.

The paper said I smile big,but I curse too much.

and it's true. I doFeel like a warrior just for making it through the day,

sometimesI feel like a fighter.

Cause I fight to keep the fighting away

and sometimes,

Walking down the street is a scientific experiment.

your body laid out, splayed out, just for them to tamper with it."

Idina Menzel

A crack in the smile
But she's always in style while she waits
Waving goodbye but she's too tired to cry and she's wasted
A letter he wrote
But it's far too expose so he throws it away
The sound of regret as it's counting the steps back to safe

I don't want to leave you with perfume and promises
But we'll never know 'till we capture and bottle it'
Cause wouldn't it be such a shame
If all was wasted

Not an inch of the room
That isn't in bloom or in light
So we drink 'till its dawn
Every drip 'till it's gone and we're wasted
It's a thing of the truth
But we'll lie and we'll look for the perfect escape
And the moment will go like melted snow in the rain

I don't want to leave you with perfume and promises
But we'll never know 'till we capture and bottle it
Cause wouldn't it be such a shame
If all was wasted

Stay for another morning
Study the curves on my face
Stay even when we're unknowing
Stay 'till they tear you away

I don't want to leave you with perfume and promises
But we'll never know 'till we capture and bottle it
Cause wouldn't it be such a shame
If all was wasted

Fool

Sweetheart did you know
Did you know we never actually touch
Through all the scientific facts
It's never possible
What would happen if we touched one day?
Would someone die?
Would your heart explode?
Would mine?
Good thing we can't touch
There is no telling what would actually happen
What is better than touch though?
Thinking we can feel?
That's what you have I guess
But that could all be in your mind
Thinking you can feel is in your head
You have that and I will never get it
You may tease me with it though
I want to be able to feel
So say you'll teach me how
Just teach me how to feel
Or just pretend like you're going to teach
I will be blinded by the excitement
The excitement is more than half the fun
I love the hype of it
It's okay because in the end I will learn
I will learn it's all in my head
I knew all along how to feel
And knew that it all wasn't real
That silly mind of mine
It fooled me.

Love that leaves

Where do you go with your broken heart in tow
What do you do with the left over you
And how do you know, when to let go
Where does the good go, where does the good go
Look me in the eye and tell me you don't find me attractive
Look me in the heart and tell me you won't go
Look me in the eye and promise no love's like our love
Look me in the heart and unbreak broken, it won't happen
It's love that leaves and breaks the seal of always thinking you would be
Real, happy and healthy, strong and calm, where does the good go
Where does the good go
Where do you go when you're in love and the world knows
How do you live so happily while I am sad and broken down
What do you say it's up for grabs now that you're on your way down
Where does the good go, where does the good go

Untitled

AHHHHHHH!

That's how feel right now.

Necessary

I don't want to be part of the problem
I try so hard to get roughed up
Fists on up, it looks that easy
It looks that way to me
It looks that way to you
But then there's you telling me I can
Then there's you screaming say something
I want the ocean right now
I want the ocean right now
I get so jealous that I can't even work
There I am in the morning
I don't like what I see
I don't know how it's become such a problem
Keep you up all night if I try to remain calm
How can they ask why I feel so angry
Do you see my problem if I never explain it
But then there's you asking me how long
Say something, it's taken me so long

Amazing shirt!

AMAZING!

College

What if I don't get into the college that I want to get into?

What if I don't end up liking college?

What if I don't make any friends?

What if it isn't as exciting as I thought it would be?

How am I supposed to know what do once college is over?

I don't want to grow up, I just want to stay this age forever. There are so many things out in the world that are too scary for me, yet they excite me beyond belief. I guess I'll just have to wait it out, there isn't really much else to do now. I want to spend all the time I can with my friends that I won't see and with the things that I won't be able to do. I feel like I am not old enough to be where I am. I still feel like I am a little 13 year old girl that still needs her mom to answer all of her questions, but that is not the case anymore. I am 18. I am legally considered an adult. I could legally live on my own, by myself ..I think that my life is going to by too fast.

Just love it

I get up in the evening, and I ain't got nothing to say
I come home in the morning, I go to bed feeling the same way
I ain't nothing but tired, man I'm just tired and bored with myself
Hey there baby, I could use just a little help

You cant start a fire, you cant start a fire without a spark
This guns for hire even if were just dancing in the dark

Message keeps getting clearer, radios on and I'm moving round the place
I check myself out in the mirror I wanna change my clothes my hair my face
Man I ain't getting nowhere just sitting in a dump like this
Theres something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is

You cant start a fire...

You sit around getting older theres a joke here somewhere and its on me
Ill shake this world off my shoulders come baby this laughs on me

Stay on the streets of this town and they'll be carving you up alright
They say you got to stay hungry hey baby I'm just about starving tonight
I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting round here trying to write
This book
I need a love reaction come on now baby give me just one look

You cant start a fire..

Something

I honestly just want to go back to bed today, but I guess that's true for everyday that I go to school. I obviously like going to school to see the people I know but if I had the choice of being here or being at home still in bed maybe watching tv or listening to music, I would give money to be able to choose that.

On other news:
-I am wearing my highlight yellow shirt which stands out like fuck!
-I have a Mt. Dew which I have yet to drink.
-I only have to work for 4 hours tonight.
-I have to take a math quiz at the end of the day today =(
-I had sushi for dinner last night.
-And I am more excited then I have ever been to crawl into bed tonight.

That's all I have to say for now Y'all.